


My Best Guy

by flotsam45



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Porn With Plot, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Steve Rogers, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 05:27:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12698298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flotsam45/pseuds/flotsam45
Summary: When Steve moved in with Bucky after his mom died, everyone seemed torn between thinking it was heartwarming that Bucky would take his unattached friend in and thinking that it was exceedingly inappropriate that the two of them should be living together in sin. Especially since Steve tended to shock everyone enough already by dressing in Bucky's castoffs and keeping his hair cut short, face and knuckles perpetually scraped and bruised from fights he never won. It was almost universally admitted that he never quite lost them, though, no matter how many times he had to pick himself up off the pavement.Revised RP from October 2017





	My Best Guy

**Author's Note:**

> this fic involves some vague discussion of dysphoria, time era typical transphobia (internalized or otherwise) - if these may be triggering or if they're a squick, please feel free to hit the back button.  
> I'd also like to add that if you feel that I haven't represented the transgender community in a respectful manner, please let me know, and I will do my best to understand and fix my errors.

When Steve moved in with Bucky after his mom died, everyone seemed torn between thinking it was heartwarming that Bucky would take his unattached friend in and thinking that it was exceedingly inappropriate that the two of them should be living together in sin. Especially since Steve tended to shock everyone enough already by dressing in Bucky's castoffs and keeping his hair cut short, face and knuckles perpetually scraped and bruised from fights he never won. It was almost universally admitted that he never quite lost them, though, no matter how many times he had to pick himself up off the pavement.

It was a warm night as he dragged himself home from one of those fights, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand and wincing when it came away red. Bucky was gonna read him the riot act, probably. Or he'd just look at Steve with his jaw clenched as he steered Steve into the bathroom to clean him up. Steve didn't know which was worse, but he liked getting Bucky's hands on him, even if the burn of antiseptic came with it. Ascending the steps to their apartment only reminded him how hard it was to breathe - he'd been wearing the too-tight undershirt beneath his button-down for too many hours, probably - and he was panting a little when he finally made it to their room.

 

"Hey, Buck," he called out, kicking off his shoes. "Sorry I'm late."

 

Bucky had his suspicions when he heard Steve come in, his wheezy breathing a telltale sign that he'd gotten far too used to hearing as of late, and when he went out to look Steve over, he pinned him with a stern look, despite the urgency at which he approached Steve and ushered him in. "Jesus Christ," he muttered, "What back alley did you get beat up in this time, huh?" He guided Steve towards the bathroom easily, not once stopping in his fretting till he had Steve sitting on the basin counter in front of the mirror, as he went through their box of cheap medical supplies. They were almost out of antiseptic, he thought to himself as a bit of it on a cotton ball.

 

Steve just sighed and let himself get manhandled, perching on the counter with Bucky cleaning off his face with careful strokes. "These guys wouldn't leave this girl alone, Buck, the hell was I supposed to do?" Steve asked dully, but he nudged Bucky in the side with his knee amiably enough. Truth be told, he was burnt out, and the anxious warmth in Bucky's eyes made him feel raw and cut open in ways that he wasn't particularly interested in investigating. "Besides, you'd barely be able to recognize me without my face messed up." He smiled, then, to show he was joking, but he was pretty sure it didn't work as well as he wanted it to.

 

"I'd rather not see my best friend come home bloody and bruised every damn night." Bucky huffed, shaking his head as he started to work on disinfecting Steve's wounds. He was always as gentle as he could be, but he could tell when it stung Steve, even when he put on a brave face. "I know you're always trying to do what's right, to stand up for the little guy, but consider your own health sometimes before you jump head first into a fistfight, would you?" He brought his hand up to carefully tilt Steve's chin up, getting a better look at the bruise forming on his cheek.

 

The tenderness of Bucky's touch never failed to make Steve go a bit breathless, and this was no exception. "I think I gotta -- the binding's too tight, I should've taken it off ages ago," he said, and pulled away both from Bucky's hands and from the care radiating off him as well. He worked at unbuttoning his shirt with shaking fingers, and shouldered out of it with a wince when his ribs twinged. The undershirt was off next, and he gasped a little for breath, leaning back against the cabinet behind him. Still felt a little awkward to be shirtless around Bucky, but, well -- he was trying to be normal. They both were.

 

Bucky waited while Steve unbuttoned and stripped, keeping his gaze impassive after he pulled some bandages out from the kit and turned back to Steve to apply them. "You need to stay within your limits, Steve." he murmured as he covered up a cut. "It can't be healthy for it all to be so tight you can hardly breathe. You've got your asthma to worry enough about as it is." He gave Steve a pointed look before resuming his work. "But now that you've got it off, take as deep breaths as you can. God knows you need that air filling your lungs."

 

"Jesus, can we not, this time? Please?" Steve asked, scraping a hand through his hair, but he let Bucky put plasters to the cuts on his cheek and the bridge of his nose anyway. "I was stupid, irresponsible, gonna get myself killed, got it. Can we just -- please --" He curled fingers around Bucky's wrist, meeting his eyes a little desperately. "I had to, Buck. I know you don't get it, but it's. I had to." Sitting on the sink, with Bucky standing between his legs, it was very easy to think about the way his ma used to ask why they didn't just get married and save everyone the trouble of waiting. The business with his gender had complicated matters in that regard, but -- there weren't many weeks that went by where the thought didn't cross his mind.

 

Bucky was silent for a moment, as he finished patching Steve up. And then, "I just don't like seeing my best guy get hurt, is all." he said quietly, but he was too willing to do as Steve asked. He put away the rest of the supplies quickly. "Made spaghetti tonight. It's on the stove. You hungry?" he asked, voice louder and tone lighter.

 

"I could eat," Steve said, just as soft, maybe softer. There were some days that he was just too fucking grateful for Bucky that he was pretty sure the affection rising up in his throat could choke him. "Your best guy, huh?" He picked up his shirt and slung it over his shoulders without buttoning it, smiling at Bucky a little crookedly. Meant a lot to hear it, even if it wasn't really much of a surprise.

 

"Damn straight." Bucky said, returning the grin gladly. He never liked the way silence could hang over them, how the elephant in the room could feel like it was just sitting right on his chest. "C'mon, it's probably gone cold already, but it'll taste good all the same." he said, helping Steve down. In all honesty, the meat sauce was more tomato than meat, old spices trying and failing to make up for the lack of texture and flavor, but it was alright.

 

Steve let Bucky help him off the counter and followed him to the kitchen, gratefully taking a plate of spaghetti when Bucky handed it to him. He ate standing up, near the sink, and felt the weight of Bucky's gaze heavy on him. There were a lot of things they weren't talking about these days, and Steve twitched a little under the press of what remained unspoken. "You okay?" he asked, nudging Bucky's hip with his own.

 

Bucky hesitated for the first time tonight, not having expected the question. He wanted to snort, to laugh and say that he should be asking that to Steve. It wasn't like Bucky had gotten himself beaten up. But he knew that wasn't the right thing to say. So he shrugged, nudging back. "I'd like to think so," he said eventually, "But I don't know if we are." He looked from the floor to Steve. "What do you think, Stevie? Are we okay?"

 

Steve froze in the middle of putting his dirty dishes back in the sink. "Uh. I thought we were okay," he said cautiously, forcing himself to finish the movement of putting the dishes away and looking at Bucky. "Are we -- wow, I thought we were still avoiding this conversation," he added with an uncomfortable laugh. "Buck, I don't... I still don't know what you want."

 

Bucky shrugged, wondering if they should've just continued to avoid this conversation. If it would've been better, and easier that way. But there was so much that sat in a gray area for them as of now, and he'd found that he didn't like not knowing. "You." There was no hesitation in that. "I want you," Bucky ran a hand down his face, "But I don't know if that's... if _that's_ okay."

 

Steve crossed his arms tight over his chest. "I love you," he said plainly, unashamed. He figured that was common knowledge at this point. "But I can't be a dame for you, Bucky. If... if there was anything that could make me try, it'd be that. But I can't." Face burning with shame and wanting in equal measure, Steve looked away.

 

"You don't have to be." Bucky said immediately, hand coming to rest on Steve's shoulder. He hated that look Steve got when he had to think about this sort of thing -- Steve might not know just what kinda face he made, but the look was on his face more than Bucky liked, even if Steve didn't realize. "I don't expect you to be. I've never- you don't- I wouldn't want you to be something you're not for my sake." he said, fumbling for words. "So sure, I don't really get it, and I can't promise that I ever really will. But I'm trying."

 

Steve looked up again when Bucky touched him, eyes wide and aching and vulnerable enough to make himself sick. God, he was so easy for him. Always had been. "I know you're trying," he said, and put his hand at Bucky's waist, admiring for a second how well it fit. "I just -- Buck, you don't like men. And I can't. I'd need you to want me like wanting a man, it'd kill me otherwise."

 

Bucky considered what Steve was saying carefully. And he could understand that. It wouldn't be fair to Steve if he wanted him any other way. But Steve was right in saying he didn't like men either. At least, he hadn't till Steve. "That's fair." he said slowly. "I don't know what it's like to want a man that's not you, Steve. And I probably won't ever. Maybe you could show me how?"

 

Steve stiffened for what felt like the hundredth time that night. Bucky kept catching him by surprise. "...I don't want you to get soft with me all of a sudden," he said very carefully, curling fingers into a fist around a handful of Bucky's shirt. "I don't want you to start -- holding doors open for me or buying me /flowers/ or. Or wooing me. I don't wanna go dancing or hang on your arm, alright, I just wanna be us. You and me. Same as always, but maybe I can... um." He was never good at talking, anyway; he pressed up onto the balls of his feet and kissed Bucky real softly.

 

It didn't take even a whole second before Bucky had his arms around Steve's waist, pulling him closer and kissing back. He was careful about it though, he didn't want to be too rough with the scrapes and bruises already covering Steve's face. Steve's lips were soft, softer than he'd ever imagined. He couldn't help but smile against them, and he let Steve pull away first. "I can- yeah, I can do that." he said a little breathlessly. "And c'mon, punk, what would I give you flowers for? You'd just let 'em die -- I'd end up having to care for 'em in the end anyway." he joked softly, chuckling.

 

God, Bucky's mouth. Steve had been thinking about it since he was, what, fourteen years old with a stupid crush? He'd thought he could battle it back after his meltdown after his ma passed (which had ended with Bucky helping him hack off his hair over the bathtub at three am), but it hadn't even faded a little. And then, when Bucky teased him, eyes crinkling at the corners, Steve could've sworn he'd never loved him more. "Christ. You're not wrong," he laughed, the sound of it wavering, and pulled Bucky back in with a broken sort of wanting sound.

 

This time, Bucky let himself bring a hand up to the nape of Steve's neck, tilting his head ever so slightly to get a better angle. This wasn't Steve just testing the waters no more, and the thought made his chest feel tight, the sound only heightening it. Jesus, if this was how this conversation was going to have gone, he would've brought this all up a long time ago, save both of them a lot of stress and worry.

 

Steve tangled his fingers in Bucky's hair, mussing it up good and proper the way it deserved to get mussed. He'd been putting Bucky to rights since they were kids. It was only fair that he got to mess him up first this time. He couldn't pretend he was a particularly experienced kisser, but the way Bucky was responding made him think that he probably wasn't getting it all that wrong, especially when he tugged at Bucky's lower lip with his teeth. "Bucky," he murmured against Bucky's mouth, almost awed. "Fuck. Is this okay?"

 

Bucky had to hold back obscenities because in all honesty, for their second kiss, Steve was getting him too damn close to melting. "Better than okay." he hummed, "'S real good." He wondered if Steve had heard the way his breath had hitched at the way he was teasing him, tugging on his lip and all. As soon as it was let go, he deepened the kiss with renewed vigor, slipped his tongue past chapped lips and up against Steve's.

 

Steve hadn't realized he'd been capable of making the high-pitched hiccup-y gasp that he made when Bucky licked into his mouth, and he fell backwards the two inches until he was pressed up against the counter again, dragging Bucky with him until they were pressed up together. He'd never been kissed like this in his life. He thought maybe his bones were dissolving. Every part of him felt molten-hot, especially every part that Bucky touched. "Buck," he gasped again, parting for breath, thoroughly dazzled. "This. You." He touched Bucky's lips with the pad of his thumb. "I didn't know. It'd be like this."

 

Jesus Christ, Bucky thought his heart might stop the moment he heard that pretty sound. He knew Steve wouldn't like him thinking it was pretty, but it was damn pretty. And the way Steve was looking at him, God, it was certainly doing things to him. "Hope you mean it in a good way." he managed, a low and throaty laugh escaping as Steve brushed his thumb across his lips, and on a whim, he tilted his head forward ever so slightly, capturing the finger in his mouth and dragging his lips and tongue along it.

 

"The best way," Steve assured him, biting his lip when he watched Bucky wrap his mouth around his thumb. The drag of tongue over the pad of it had heat washing over him so hard he nearly shook. "Oh, fuck. C'mere, will you, I -- I don't know what I'm doin', you're gonna have to show me how." He dragged his wet thumb out of Bucky's mouth and stroked it down his chin, overwhelmed with how pretty Bucky's glistening lips looked. "...Maybe not in the kitchen."

 

"Might not be the best place." Bucky said, grinning in agreement, and nodded all too happily. "Bedroom." he murmured, not wasting any time in grabbing Steve by the wrist and tugging him along to their room. It wasn't a long hallway, but it sure as hell felt like it, what with how eager he was to get his hands back on Steve.

 

For the second time that night, Steve allowed Bucky to manhandle him down the hallway, but he was much happier about it this time. They gravitated toward Bucky's bed, because it was closer, and Steve shoved Bucky a little to get him to sit down on the mattress. He shucked off his shirt again, still standing, grinning down at Bucky, who was leaning up on his elbows. "Yours too," Steve said, starting on his pants.

 

"Bossy." But he did as he was told, stripping in probably what was record time for him. Which was saying a lot, actually. When he wiggled out of his pants, he did so with a little more care before he let them fall to the ground. His cock was already half hard, and he couldn't help how it twitched at the sight of Steve getting undressed.

 

Steve had seen Bucky naked before, of course. Living in close quarters with a man who liked to wander the apartment mostly undressed in the summer for years meant that there wasn't all that much mystery, but Jesus, it was different in this context. Steve's hands were trembling again as he kicked off his trousers, underwear to follow, and immediately moved to straddle Bucky so he wouldn't have to think about it too hard. "You like me even though I'm bossy," Steve reminded him, smiling. "And are you honestly complaining right now?"

 

Bucky's hands found their way to Steve's hips, tugging him closer. Like this, he had to tilt his head ever so slightly upwards to meet those beautiful blue eyes, and he found that he rather liked it. A lot. "No, sir." he hummed, running his hands up Steve's sides, and round to his back. "Wouldn't dream of it."

 

"There we go," Steve laughed softly, and kissed Bucky even as he arched a little into his touch. "There's my guy." Too possessive? Possibly. But he'd been doing battle with jealousy for the majority of his young adult life, and he couldn't bring himself to care much. "Show me how," he murmured, dragging his mouth down Bucky's throat. "I meant it. I wanna."

 

Head lolling back as he exposed more of his throat to Steve, Bucky bit back a soft whine. "I- I can try," He shuddered, "But I've only ever, that is, with dames," he admitted softly, "Is that- I mean- Is that okay with you?" He didn't know how to phrase the question properly, how to get his point across without making Steve uncomfortable or worse, ashamed. He could think up a few ways that they could make it work, but he wouldn't know how to bring it up.

 

It took a second for Steve to get what Bucky was implying, and then he flushed red. "Yeah, Buck," he said softly. "Yeah, with you. Just keep -- callin' me your guy. Keep sayin' my name." He kissed Bucky's neck, scraping teeth lightly over his pulse point. "And _do_ me, God, I think I could _die_ if you don't --"

 

"Yeah, okay, I can- yeah," Bucky nodded tightly, Steve's words going straight to his cock. The feeling of Steve's teeth on his neck sent shivers down his spine, and he was pretty sure he shared Steve's sentiment in saying he might just die if he didn't get this show on the road. He dropped his hands down to Steve's ass, groping the pert cheeks briefly, and then hefted him up so he could switch their positions, and get Steve under him.

 

Steve grasped at Bucky's shoulders, startled, when their positions were changed -- and then he was looking up at Bucky, whose hair was falling into his eyes, shoulders blotting out the moonlight, and Steve felt anticipation clench his stomach so hard he couldn't breathe while he wrapped his legs around Bucky's waist. "I trust you," he said, because he thought Bucky probably needed to hear it. "Fuck, I want you so bad, Buck."

 

Though Bucky's eyes were certainly blown wide with desire, Steve's words made his gaze soften. "Yeah," He swallowed, "I got you, Steve. Gonna make it real good for you, I promise." He brought a hand between them, dropping it down to feel between Steve's legs -- it wouldn't do if Steve wasn't adequately prepared. He did offer an almost cautious glance up to Steve before he slid two fingers in him, watching his expression for pain or discomfort. "My best guy don't deserve any less, hm?" he hummed.

 

There was a moment of anxiety -- what if it was bad? What if he didn't want it after all? -- but then Bucky's fingers were pressing up into him and oh, oh, that was just fine. That was better than fine. His back arched, mouth falling open silently. It was different now from when he'd done it to himself, because Bucky could get the perfect angle, and his fingers were thicker anyway. Desire was thick on Steve's tongue. "Shit," he breathed, and rolled his hips, trying to get more. "Ah. _Buck_."

 

Biting down on his lip, Bucky watched with hungry eyes, groaning softly at the way he felt Steve press against his fingers, the hot wetness engulfing him further. "Fuck, you're so hot, Steve." he grunted. He had a fleeting thought of what Steve might taste like, down there, and fuck, Bucky was determined to find out. But not right now. He went ahead and slid a third finger in, finding a little more resistance than the two, but he worked Steve over, pumping his fingers in and out, easing him into relaxing.

 

Three fingers was a tight fit, but the slight stretch of it was delicious. "Me?" he gasped out, clutching at the headboard so he had something to push against as he tried to fuck himself back onto Bucky's fingers. "Look at _you_ , Jesus, you're a fucking dream." He touched Bucky's face with his free hand, cupping his cheek. "Always thought so. Always -- _ah_ , that's so good..."

 

It took just about every ounce of self-control Bucky had not not just shove himself into Steve right then and there. "You," he grunted, fingers ramming into Steve more forcefully than he'd meant to, "You're the most handsome guy I ever laid eyes on. Got eyes as blue as the summer sky, I could get lost in 'em." He leaned into the touch, turning slightly to press a quick kiss to Steve's palm. "And your hips are downright unlawful, Rogers. I've dreamed about 'em grinding down on my dick for too many nights."

 

Steve cried out when Bucky's fingers slammed into him hard, eyes stinging with the ache of how good it felt. "Yeah? Want me to ride you, Barnes?" he said, goading him a little, egging him on. "Think about your dick every time I touch myself, Buck, I want you in me so bad, Christing _fuck_ , I'm ready. I'm _ready_." He struggled to lean up, legs tightening around Bucky's waist as a hand to the back of Bucky's neck tugged him down hard to kiss him.

 

Bucky didn't have the presence of mind to be careful about Steve's cuts this time, his lips pressing against Steve's desperately as he withdrew his fingers. There was no way he was going to last long enough as he wanted, no way he was going to be able to take it as slow as he'd planned. But knowing Steve wanted him just as bad was a comfort, so he adjusted himself, taking his erection in hand and pressing it to Steve's entrance. He slid in as slowly as he could, but his hips were a little jerky, more than eager to bury himself in that delicious heat. "F-Fuck, Steve, you feel so good, so tight around me." he moaned.

 

The look on Bucky's face was something holy. Steve could hear the rush of blood in his ears, that was how hard his heart was pounding, and he didn't move for a long second. Just lay there and shook and got used to the way Bucky's cock felt in him, filling him up. Bucky's cock was big enough that it hurt, just a little. Not enough to make Steve want it any less. Just enough that it made his eyes go very wide when Bucky bottomed out. "Bucky," Steve whispered. "Buck, you're -- so big. Fuck." He'd never felt this full in his life.

 

Panic flared up through his arousal, and Bucky forced himself to still completely, looking down at Steve with careful eyes. "'S alright, breathe, Stevie." he urged, licking his lips and swallowing. "You need a minute?" he asked, trying his hardest to keep his voice from wavering as his cock twitched impatiently in Steve.

 

Bucky was still taking care of him. Steve felt a rush of affection wash over him, and it helped him relax a little, unclenching muscles he hadn't realized were tight. "I'll kill you if you don't move right now," he replied, tugging on a lock of Bucky's hair that hung down. "C'mon, Barnes. Slowly, but -- now. Please."

 

Bucky couldn't help the breathy laugh that bubbled up, Steve being as demanding as ever, even during their first time having sex. It was actually relieving in a sense, so he nodded, obliging immediately thereafter, languidly pulling his hips back with a soft sigh, and when only the head remained in Steve, pushing forward again with a grunt. He tried to keep an eye on Steve's face, making sure the pace was alright, but he gave up, and instead latched on to his neck, mouthing it, biting down, sucking there to leave a mark.

 

The slow roll of Bucky's hips had Steve moaning quietly, then less quietly when Bucky bit his neck. He fisted a hand in Bucky's hair, whimpering, rocking his hips in time to Bucky's careful thrusts. Worming a hand between their bodies to rub himself off as Bucky fucked him felt even more fantastic, and he gasped out Bucky's name. "That's so good, you're so good," he was babbling, unable to stop the words from tumbling out. "Oh, god. Harder, please..."

 

Bucky didn't need to be told twice. He picked up the pace, letting a bit of his control slip as his thrusts became rougher, the wet, obscene noises with each movement becoming more pronounced. He could feel Steve's hand between them and he groaned loudly at the thought of Steve touching himself. He pulled off of his neck so he could peer down, arousal spiking at the sight of Steve's hand rubbing quick little circles just above where they were connected. "Fuck, Steve-" He let out an aborted grunt, his hips only quickening as he desperately sought more stimulation. "Fuck!"

 

"Yeah, yeah, that's it," Steve moaned, feeling Bucky start to lose it. The headboard was starting to knock against the wall, Bucky was fucking him so hard, and he had a somewhat hysterical thought about the neighbors before he wasn't thinking about anything at all -- Bucky had found the perfect angle and Steve only had a couple seconds to prepare himself before he was coming, clenching tight around Bucky's cock.

 

Feeling Steve's walls flutter and tighten around him was the final thing that pushed him over the edge, balls drawing up, hot pleasure tingling at the base of his spine. Even in his coital haze though, he was coherent enough to pull out, and not a moment too soon, the first spurts of his cum landing on Steve's sex before the rest shot out onto his stomach and chest. He pulled back to pump himself through his orgasm, a guttural cry of Steve's name falling from his lips.

 

Steve gasped, eyes wide as he watched Bucky’s orgasm overtake him, and damn it if it wasn’t the best damn sight he’d ever seen. Everything from the way he groaned Steve’s name, to the hand working himself as he released all over him, just. God. He pulled Bucky down to kiss him without reserve. “I love you.” he mumbled, looking up at him with an affectionate smile. 

 

It took a moment or two for Bucky’s hips to stop jerking sporadically, for his brain to get back in working order, and when the post-coital haze finally cleared, he found Steve’s thin lips pressed up roughly to his. He smiled into the kiss, and at the soft declaration, his smile only widened. “I love you too, Stevie.”


End file.
